A Quick Pour on Leadership, Love, and Structural Engineering
I will succeed because I am insane.
Not clinically. Just educational-leadership insane.
The kind of insane that believes we can fix a system, improve student outcomes, coach six people, solve a staffing crisis, and make it home for dinner.
And then signs up for something else. Apparently, I enjoy a challenge. And by challenge, I mean a completely unreasonable amount of responsibility.
People often ask how I manage it all.
Well.
I don’t.
My husband does a truly alarming amount of the structural engineering required to keep this operation standing.
People call their spouses their rock.
That’s so sweet.
My husband is my load-bearing wall. My earthquake-proof foundation.
Remove him and the entire structure is in violation of approximately 47 building codes.
He feeds us.
He keeps us warm.
He manages our finances.
He makes sure the house functions and our family has what it needs while I’m out there trying to solve problems that have existed in public education since approximately 1842.
Now, to be clear, I have my own department in this family operation. I handle the difficult conversations with nonsensical people, schedule the doctor’s appointments, coordinate after-school activities and playdates, and remember approximately 400 things he either can’t remember or would rather not deal with.
He keeps the building standing. I handle the people who want to renovate it. 😂
It’s a partnership. We just have very different job descriptions.
He knows I love this work. He knows I thrive in it.
The work genuinely makes me happy. I don’t need someone to rescue me from a career I love.
And he would never ask me to be less of who I am.
But occasionally, he does look at me and say:
“You need to take a break.”
Which I find deeply offensive.
Mostly because he’s right.
A Little Love and a Reality Check
Here’s what I’ve learned about leadership:
Nobody succeeds alone. Some of us have built better infrastructure than others.
And that infrastructure doesn’t have to be a spouse.
It’s family. Friends. Partners. The people who love you enough to celebrate your ambition and occasionally tell you that you’ve completely lost your mind.
Every leader needs people who love the person, not just admire the leader.
People who remind you to eat. Sleep. Laugh. Go outside. Put the computer down.
People who give you a reality check without making you feel like you need to become someone else.
And here’s something I didn’t expect.
The better I got at remembering that I am a person, the better I got at letting the people I lead be people, too.
People with families. Needs. Bad days. Joys. Lives outside the organization.
People who can love their work and still need a break from it.
I don’t want my team to have to choose between being great at their jobs and being happy human beings.
I want both for them.
And I want both for myself.
Taking care of your mental health doesn’t always require a grand reinvention of your life.
Sometimes it’s dinner you didn’t have to cook.
A bill you didn’t have to remember.
A friend who makes you laugh.
A spouse who tells you to close the laptop.
A bi-weekly session with your therapist, life coach, nutritionist, or financial advisor.
Small things that protect the person doing the big things.
We talk about strong leaders as though they’re independently powered machines.
They’re not.
Behind a lot of successful leaders are people quietly making sure the lights stay on, the bills get paid, somebody eats an actual vegetable, and the leader occasionally remembers they’re a human being.
My husband doesn’t just support my career.
He makes the life that allows me to have this career possible.
And I don’t take that for granted.
Final Sip
I will succeed because I am insane.
But I get to keep succeeding because my husband is sane enough for both of us.
He isn’t my rock. He’s my load-bearing wall.
I love him for holding up this beautifully ridiculous building.
So find your people. Love them. Let them love you. Take care of your needs and your mental health.
And remember, you don’t have to love the work less to take care of yourself more.
The work makes me happy.
So does the life we’ve built that makes doing it possible. ❤️🍷