The Small Things That Turn Colleagues Into a Team & Family
Uncorking leadership, learning, and the conversations that move schools forward.
My Director of Math bakes.
Of course she does.
She measures things for a living.
Apparently, when the recipe says ¾ cup, she uses exactly ¾ cup. I recently learned, not with actual cups, she uses a scale. I know…fancy and even more math-like.
No eyeballing. No “that looks about right.” No “let’s see what happens.”
Fidelity of implementation: 100%.
I do not bake.
My leadership style in the kitchen is closer to:
“We have most of the ingredients. Let’s remain solutions-oriented.”
This is one of the many reasons she should be in charge of desserts and I should be in charge of…other things. Have a team that compliments each other, more on that in a future blog.
But here’s what I love about her baking.
She keeps track of people’s favorite desserts.
The people she coaches. Her teammates. Me.
And when your birthday comes around, she makes yours.
Not what’s easiest.
Not what she happens to like.
Yours.
That’s leadership, too.
Know Their Birthday
We spend a lot of time talking about knowing our people professionally.
Know their goals.
Know their data.
Know their strengths.
Know their development areas.
Know their action step.
Absolutely.
But do you know their birthday?
Their favorite dessert?
What makes them laugh?
What accomplishment they’re ridiculously proud of?
Whether they prefer a giant public celebration or would rather disappear into the floor than have 40 people sing to them?
Caring about people requires knowing people.
And knowing people takes attention.
My first year as a Principal, I gave a survey as the year ended. One of my teachers, who still works here 17 years later, said “It would be nice if my boss (that was me) knew my birthday and our staff celebrated birthdays.” It made me pause and kept me up later that night then our student data did. It changed me. Particularly because she was more reserved and quiet, but if I knew her, I would have known that she cared about this. Don’t just know your people, REALLY know your people and care about them outside of their work self. I wonder if she remembers she gave me this feedback?
The Cake Isn’t Really About the Cake
Let’s be clear. I enjoy cake and cookies. Deeply.
But when someone remembers your favorite dessert and takes the time to make it, the message isn’t:
Here’s some sugar.
The message is:
I listened.
I remembered.
I thought about you when you weren’t in the room.
You are worth the effort.
That’s why these seemingly small gestures change the feeling of a workplace.
People stop being a collection of individuals who happen to attend the same meetings.
They become a team.
And, in the best cases, something that can start to feel a little like family—not because we blur professional boundaries, but because we genuinely care about one another as human beings.
Bring What You Have
The best part is that caring doesn’t have to look the same from everyone.
My Director of Math bakes.
That is her thing. Many people love it.
Please do not ask me to demonstrate my appreciation through baked goods.
I care about my team too much to do that to them.
I write cards. I have fun opening questions at meetings. I pick good restaurants.
Someone else remembers everyone’s favorite coffee order.
Someone makes the playlist.
Someone organizes ridiculous birthday decorations.
Someone notices when you’ve had a terrible week and quietly appears with your favorite snack.
Someone makes everyone laugh.
Use what you have.
Your talents don’t have to appear in your job description to make you better at your job.
Sometimes the thing you bring to a team that matters most isn’t your technical expertise.
It’s the part of you that makes other people feel special.
Then My Team Got Me
This year, my team made my birthday incredibly special. All of them!
And what struck me wasn’t simply what they did.
It was how much of me was in it. Exactly how they were uniquely positioned to celebrate.
They had listened.
They remembered things I’d said.
There were inside jokes. I have some Heels & Wheels temporary tattoos, a license plate for my rolly desk, and one epic oil painting in a gilded frame. I got several books (I love books). One bad a#$ feminist essay book. I got a gift card to a favorite place (spent that the same day!). There was even a dance in my honor by an unlikely leader. And…a cake, picked just for me.
My Director of Literacy presented the oil painting in it’s gilded frame to me WHILE a dance was performed in my honor.😂😂 I CANNOT think of a better work birthday.
There were things that made absolutely no sense to anyone outside our team and had us cry- laughing.
It reflected the relationships we’ve built together.
At some point I remember thinking:
Well, damn. I’m the boss and now I can’t ever leave.
Apparently this is their retention strategy.
Weaponized belonging. 😂
/ˈwepəˌnīzd bəˈlôNGiNG/
noun
The strategic use of being so deeply known, appreciated, and connected that leaving the team becomes emotionally impossible.
Highly effective. No consultant required.
Because underneath all the laughter was something that matters enormously to me:
We genuinely enjoy one another.
We do hard work together.
We disagree.
We solve complicated problems.
We look at data that occasionally hurts our feelings.
We hold one another accountable.
And we laugh.
A lot.
That doesn’t make the work less serious.
It makes the hard work more sustainable. I am thankful for my team. If you read this, Thank you so much .
Final Sip
Leadership isn’t only what happens in your one-on-ones.
Culture isn’t only what gets written in your strategic plan.
Sometimes culture looks like someone remembering:
She loves that cookie.
Sometimes it looks like a handwritten card.
A ridiculous inside joke.
A favorite coffee appearing before a difficult meeting.
A birthday celebrated in exactly the way that person would want it celebrated.
Those moments say:
We know you here.
We’re glad you’re here.
You are more than the work you produce here.
So here’s this week’s Edutipsy challenge:
Know your people’s birthdays.
Then learn one more thing.
Their favorite dessert.
Their coffee order.
Their song.
Their thing.
And when the opportunity comes, use your thing to celebrate theirs.
You don’t have to bake the cake.
Trust me.
Some of us absolutely should not bake the cake.
But you can help create a workplace where people feel known enough that someone knows exactly which cake to make.
That’s when colleagues start becoming a team.
And sometimes, if you’re really lucky, the team becomes the reason even the boss doesn’t want to leave or walks around the halls on her rolly desk with a gilded oil painting casually placed for all to view.
🍷 Sip Wisdom: People don’t only remember what you asked of them. They remember how it felt to be known by you.